"Shabbat Shalom from Bangkok"

By the Grace of G-d

Dear Friend,

I met someone a few weeks ago at JCafe over coffee.

He was a Jew in his eighties. I cherish my elderly friends, they are repertoires of the experience of life, if you but take the time to listen to them.  Besides for the meaningful topics we discussed, he told me that he will introduce me to a finer coffee than I have drank before. Two days later he delivered on his promise. I tasted the coffee. It tasted good to me. But I cannot honestly say that I appreciated the difference between the ‘superior’ (more expensive) brand and the one I was drinking before.

I am not really the guy to judge coffee. I haven’t developed a discerning taste in coffee. It probably takes a lot of coffee over a number of years to be a connoisseur.

A few days ago, I had another realization about the subtle tastes of life.

I met two ‘serious’ cigar smokers when I was visiting someone in a luxury hotel. Sitting outside in the hotel yard, I told them that cigar smoking always seemed enigmatic to me. Maybe they could finally answer the question I had.

Cigar smoke is so smelly. What did they see pleasurable about it?

The gentlemen I met gave me a short lecture about cigar smoking.

What I gleaned from one of the cigar aficionado’s was eye-opening.

They explained that it’s an ‘acquired taste’.

Everyone starts off getting nauseous after their first cigar smoking experience, they said. But then you get used to it. It becomes tolerable. And at some stage you develop a liking to it. Then you can get an expertise.

I asked him how long it takes to acquire a taste for cigar smoking?

He responded that to develop a serious palate for cigars would take about five years.

I was astonished by this piece of information about how hard you had to work to acquire a taste for something.

And I was inspired. Here is why.

The previous Rebbe of Lubavitch, Rabbi Yosef Yitschak, related the conversation he had with his father, the Rebbe before him, while he was recuperating in a seaside village.

The topic was about the life changing virtuous effects that are achieved through deep daily meditation on the greatness of G-d.

The description there is described in exquisitely uplifting and picturesque terms.

I cannot do justice to its masterful presentation, but in order to make my point I will sum it up in one inadequate paragraph.

Consistent reflection on G-d’s presence leads to a deep refinement of one’s coarseness. With the mindfulness comes the ability for total self-control. Through a program of serious reflection on the presence of G-d,  a great spiritual light is brought down through the meditator into the otherwise material world.

All this pales in comparison said the Rebbe, to the greatest gift of all:

It is a magnificent gift of G‑d to merit an innate sense - a "feel" - for doing kindness to another, to derive deep pleasure from it.

This can develop to the point that one cherishes the other more than oneself.

[What would be the rationale for cherishing someone else more than yourself, YK]

He may find many explanations as to why he deserves his own tribulations, G‑d forbid, but to do so with regard to another's suffering - is absolutely impossible.

The Rebbe continued:

It is worthwhile to toil for five days, five hours a day, exerting yourself, both physically as well as mentally in contemplating G-dliness, in order to arrive at this realization and ‘conclusion’, to truly desire to do a favor for a fellow Jews of a material nature, and especially of a spiritual nature.

My dear friends.

I never understood these above lines better than I did after being educated about coffee and cigars.

Namely, that acquiring a ‘taste’ for something doesn’t come overnight.

Even if it is a ‘self-indulgent’ form of ‘pleasure’.

Can you imagine therefore how hard it must be to develop a ‘taste’ for ‘selfless’ behavior in the service of helping others?

It’s not automatic. It takes investment and work. Reflection and reframing.

It takes effort to develop a feeling for helping others. To acquire a taste and truly savor it, takes even more mindfulness. To really reach the mindset where you feel that others are more deserving of you and thus you help others with relish, may take even longer.

Ultimately to really reach the elusive heights of loving others as yourself you have to be gifted from G-d.

You try your best, and G-d fills in the rest. It is well worth the effort and prayers. It is the pinnacle of Jewish observance.

Love your fellow as yourself is the great rule of the Torah.

Seventy-one years ago, upon the passing of his predecessor the Rebbe made this concept, love of others, the cornerstone of his flagship and unwavering message for our generation. His statement conveyed that this mission was super-applicable and necessary for our generation.

At his inaugural Chasidic gathering in January of 1951 the Rebbe quoted a pivotal teaching of his great great grandfather the first Rebbe of Chabad as his ‘mission statement’.

Elevator pitch summation : If you want to love G-d you need to love people.

More complete quote : Love of G‑d, love of the Torah, and Love of the Jewish people are bound up with one another, so much so that they are all one. Only when you love your fellow as yourself are you able to love G‑d, who transcends the world and is the master of all things. For this reason, the Rebbe relinquished his own physical and even spiritual interests out of love for the Jewish people. If you have love of G‑d but not love of the Torah and love of people, you are actually lacking in love of G‑d. On the other hand, if you love people you will ultimately come to love the Torah and love G‑d as well.

The Rebbe spent his entire life in developing and intensifying this crucial mission of love and care, goodness and kindness.

Click here for a portal about the day of ‘Yud Shvat’ (tomorrows Hebrew date) highlighting the leadership and impact of the Rebbe in connection with the anniversary of assuming the position of Rebbe.

In conclusion: we all do ‘irrational’ things.

Choose wisely what you want to be irrational about.

Supra rational commitment to G-d.

Wanton acts of kindness to others.

Now, that is worth spending five years on acquiring a taste for.

If you put forth effort, Hashem will give you the gift of acquiring a taste for it. For Ahavat Yisrael. You too will be blessed as a result.

May Hashem bless us with Mashiach NOW.

Shabbat Shalom

Rabbi Yosef Kantor

By the Grace of G-d

Dear Friend,

Multiculturalism or melting pot?

What do you prefer?

The arguments for promoting a society to become a melting pot are many. Let us start with the universally accepted virtue of unity. With a melting pot comes the gift of equal rights for all. Commonality of goals and shared destination makes for a cohesive society.

The multiculturalists will point out no less emphatically, that the uniqueness of the individual cultures is lost when different peoples assimilate into one new identity. The beauty of the mosaic is only to be had when one maintains their distinctiveness and brings it with them to society. Let us thus encourage people to maintain their distinctiveness.

The Torah portion this week sparked my thoughts about this topic.

The fourth plague brought by G-d against the Egyptian as part of the process of liberating the Jewish people, was the plague termed named by the Torah ‘inciting a mixture’.

It’s a name that gives room for some pondering. The name of the other plagues are more easily identifiable. ‘Blood’, meant that the Nile’s waters turned to blood. ‘Frogs’ meant that hordes of frogs swarmed the land of Egypt. And so with the balance of the ‘ten plagues’. They are all self-explanatory. This fourth plague has a name which seems a bit more vague.

The name of the plague is ‘orov’ as in ‘mixture’. A ‘mixture’ that is ‘incited’ against the Egyptians. A mixture of what?

The answer to that is pretty straightforward. It refers to a mixture of creatures that are easily provoked and get even more ferocious and downright destructive when incited.

The details of which kind of beasts they were, are obviously not all that important. This is why the Torah doesn’t give the exact details of what beasts were part of the plague. Just that it was a ‘mixture’. Rashi and the Midrash give some more details. Like snakes and scorpions that came up from the ground. Also other wild beasts. Beasts that we like to see from the windows of a car in safaris. Lions, tigers, bears and other such easily provokable animals.

The name of the plague though, is not ‘wild beasts’ but rather ‘orov’ which means ‘mixture’. The Torah is thus emphasizing that it was the mixture, the combined concoction of many species, that defined the punitive aspect of this particular plague.

Its scary enough when a bear comes to a city and seems bent on going on a rampage. Imagine lions, panthers, snakes and scorpions and a few other lethal creatures added to the mix? It was enough to create a panic and pandemonium that was intended to pressure Pharaoh into releasing the Jewish people.

There is something very unsettling when troubles come from many directions. Even people who usually cope well with stress, when the difficulty is multifaceted, they lose their calm and start to hyperventilate and panic.

Think about our past year and you will recognize that much of the panic is because of the ‘multi-facetedness’ of this attack on our ‘normalcy’. Health, economic, social and various other disruptions. Each problem on its own would be more manageable. Together, they form a greater source of panic and fear.

Plagues are not positive or nice in and of themselves. G-d brought the plagues to bring about a brighter future. To lead to Exodus and the Giving of the Torah at Sinai. This brought a liberation to the Jewish people and a purposefulness to the world at large.

Yet, the details of every plague contain a message for us. Something that we can inculcate and incorporate into our lives, making our way of living more moral and G-dly.

With this fourth plague, it’s a no-brainer. The G-dly message in this plague of ‘mixture’, would be to recognize the amazing undefeatable power of unity.

If ‘mixtures of wild beasts’ are so powerful, imagine how powerful ‘mixtures’ of good peace-loving people must be.

This would point toward the supreme virtue of the melting pot model.

Tearing down boundaries that divide us. Uniting as one. If even beasts can unite as one for G-d, how much more so humans can. And thus, create an unstoppable force of good.

Mixing is unity, unity is what G-d likes.

Hang on a second though.

There is a second part to this. If you don’t stop to hear the second part, it would be like getting a powerful medicine but not paying attention to the dosage. Medicine can be life saving. Too much of a powerful medicine can be lethal.

So, read on please.

This plague also speaks about non-mixing. Boundaries.

This is the first plague that the Torah explicitly describes as being ‘exclusive’ and affecting the Egyptian captors only and not the captive Jews.

Hashem said: I will set apart the land of Goshen, where My people dwell, so that there will not be any mixed horde there. Thus, you will realize that I am God  not only in heaven but also on earth, in the midst of the land.

Now, to get wild beasts to stay out of Goshen would take a G-dly force of curtailing and preventing the wild beasts. Wild beasts don’t usually like to be told where to go and where to stay away.

The lesson from the containment of the wild beasts projects a G-dly instruction to create borders and boundaries.

Quite the opposite of the melting pot. Non assimilatory behavior is the message from this detail of the plague.

Some things need to be contained and defined by borders and fences.

G-d made a very strong two-pronged statement in this plague.

Mixtures are good.

Boundaries are critical.

The two above derived lessons from the one plague of ‘mixture of wild beasts that didn’t trespass the boundaries of the area of their free reign’, is that we need both attitudes.

We need to recognize the incredible blessing of unifying ourselves.

All the while not forgetting the inviolable borders that protect our identities.

I will use a radical example although it is horrific, but it expresses the message powerfully.

Being cordial and friendly to children, even not your own children, is good. Smiling at any young child when you see them usually comes naturally and so it should.

When you see someone being too friendly, ‘overfriendly’, to children it is possibly a warning sign. It should not be whitewashed or ignored. G-d forbid that a pedophile should fall through the cracks and prey on defenseless victims because proper boundaries were not in place.

Friendly is good.

Boundaries are critical.

The message is clear.

There are vast areas of life in which G-d expects us to be unite with others.

Not to be disastrously mistaken as being license to tear down all borders.

There are critical and key aspects of our identities which must remain ironclad in their individuality.

To apply this lesson to ‘Jewish continuity’.

A Jew can and must contribute to the surrounding society. Many have pointed out with pride, the places of prominence that Jews occupy in the world of medicine (Pfizer and Moderna’s Jewish upper management, are trending topics now because of their success with the vaccine), science, business and government.

At the same time, a Jew must always robustly maintain his or her integrity and be unapologetically Jewish. Hashem created various differences between human beings. One of them is that a Jew is a Jew and a non-Jew is a non-Jew. To fudge or blur the boundaries would herald the end of Am Yisrael G-d forbid.

The fact that we are Jewish today is because of our ancestors unyielding commitment to the Torah.

Our commitment to the Torah today, is the only guarantee that there will be a Jewish people tomorrow.

Unite with others yes. Assimilate NO.

Being proudly Jewish is also the best formula to fight anti-Semitism.

To quote Rabbi Jonathan Sacks of blessed memory

Non-Jews respect Jews who respect Judaism, and they are embarrassed by Jews who are embarrassed by Judaism.

Getting the perfect balance is a ‘balancing act’ but at least we need to identify our goals and work towards them without taking our eyes off the destination.

And think about this. The best thing you can do to help your neighbor, Jewish or non, and actually the best way to help the entire world, is by doing one more mitzvah and bringing more goodness into the world.

You and I doing more uniquely Jewish mitzvahs will be good for us and is also the most effective way of bringing good for everyone in the world.

Thank G-d we live in this golden age of history where we have the freedom to observe our religion without limitations.

Let us appreciate our blessings.

My dear friends, grab every opportunity to do something good for humanity.

Do another mitzvah.

Mashiach will come sooner and bring peace to the entire world!

Shabbat Shalom

Rabbi Yosef Kantor

By the Grace of G-d

Dear Friend,

Listen to this story. It touched me to the core.

Two brothers had a disagreement. That sometimes happens even in loving families. The disagreement turned into a quarrel. The quarrel started cordially but took a wrong turn and sadly developed into a real hostility. The brothers wouldn’t talk to each other. To the extent that when one of the brothers made a wedding for his daughter, he didn’t even invite his brother to attend.

The wedding was scheduled to begin, but the radiant father of the bride insisted that they delay the ceremony till his father who was obviously running late, arrived. After it got really late the father of the bride was perturbed that his father has not yet come. He called his father in consternation. ‘Father, is everything ok? we are waiting for you to arrive in order to go to the Chupa’.

His father responded, I am really sorry, but I won’t be able to attend, ‘if a brother is not a brother, a father is not a father’.

This puts into story form, the mission statement issued by the Rebbe at his inaugural Chasidic gathering in January of 1951.

The Rebbe quoted a pivotal teaching of his great great grandfather the first Rebbe of Chabad (whose day of passing is today, the 24^th of Tevet, click here for more):

Elevator pitch summation : If you want to love G-d you need to love people.

More complete quote : Love of G‑d, love of the Torah, and Love of the Jewish people are bound up with one another, so much so that they are all one. Only when you love your fellow as yourself are you able to love G‑d, who transcends the world and is the master of all things. For this reason, the Rebbe relinquished his own physical and even spiritual interests out of love for the Jewish people. If you have love of G‑d but not love of the Torah and love of people, you are actually lacking in love of G‑d. On the other hand, if you love people you will ultimately come to love the Torah and love G‑d as well.

This is why before we pray every morning, we make a declaration.

“I hereby take upon myself to fulfill the mitzvah, ‘Love your fellow as yourself.’“

It makes perfect sense.

If you come to your Father in Heaven to ask for His benevolence and kindness but you are not treating your brother like a brother… the reaction can hardly be favorable.

So first you ought to love your brother. The first step in that direction is being mindful that this is your intention. Hence the morning declaration of brotherly love.

Then you come to your father. The pleasure and nachas that he has from seeing the filial love between the siblings, is the best recipe for eliciting blessing. Even if you are less than deserving, if you are amicable and peaceful to your sibling, your parent will treat you with the parental love you seek.

Physical parents have limitations to what they can provide.

In this case we are talking about going to our Father in Heaven. He has no limits. Even the formidable impenetrable borders of Egypt stood no chance before G-d.

Thus, this weeks Parsha relates how Moshe is sent to Pharaoh by G-d and instructed to tell him ‘Israel is my preeminent son…. Send forth my son so that he may serve me… you will refuse to let him to leave… I will kill your firstborn son’.

No slave had ever successfully run away from Egypt before. They were that strong and their borders ironclad.

With G-d on our side, our nation numbering six hundred thousand males over twenty, plus women and children, exited Egypt miraculously. In broad daylight. With G-d on your side, anything can happen.

Let us all get a bit better (or even a lot better) at loving each other.

Our Father will be delighted.

The ‘side effects’ will be loads of blessing raining down on our heads.

And the world could use gazillions of blessings.

Health, peace, direction, SHALOM.

And the one blessing that takes care of everything, the coming of Mashiach!!!

Shabbat Shalom

Rabbi Yosef Kantor

PS Rabbi Shneor Zalman the founder of Chabad is the author of the book titled ‘Tanya’. It is usually referred to as being a book of Chabad ‘philosophy’. Don’t let the word philosophy throw you off. Tanya is incredibly practical and still amazingly fresh and relevant. Click here for a nice article about Tanya’s ability to speak even to the ‘uninspired’. For the next five Sundays, please G-d, from 10:45 am – 12:15 PM (BKK time) I am giving the ‘Soul Maps’ course,  subtitled: ‘Kabbalah to Navigate Your Inner World’ course, which is based on the Tanya. It is via zoom at below link. (I am also recording the classes. Contact me if you would like a link).

PPS Will the Chupa finally take place with the Fathers presence? I hope so. If you were the father of the bride what would you do?