Chupa in Rain

By the Grace of G‑d

Dear Friend,

The marriage ceremony was just beginning. Menachem Wilhelm, (son of Rabbi & Mrs. Nechemya Wilhelm of Chabad House in Bangkok’s backpacker district) was already standing under the velvet chupa which was positioned under the open sky. His bride had just entered the chupa when the first drops began.

Holding the chupa under the open sky is an ancient custom. It symbolizes the blessings of G‑d to Avraham our Patriarch that his children be like the stars of the sky.

True, the weather forecast did say rain. While several guests brought umbrellas thanks to the weather forecast, most didn’t. The forecast didn’t give an exact time and what are the odds of the rain starting just as the ceremony is underway. If the rain had started before the chupa, they would have waited till it passed. But it caught everyone unaware. After the ceremony had begun.

Nu, nobody is going to interrupt a marriage ceremony because of a light drizzle. Seconds later it became apparent that it was not drizzle, the drops were quite heavy. A few moments after that, the pace of the rain increased. The guests ran for cover while the immediate family continued the chupa ceremony. Rapidly, the rain increased to the level of a monsoon. Standard for Thailand, but uncharacteristic for Israel. Still, the bride continued her seven encirclements of her groom as the families bravely stood there. The chupa canopy was falling lower and lower under the weight of the accumulated rain. At some stage it became quite impossible to continue and the families conceded and moved indoors thus temporarily pausing the ceremony. Once they did that, the rain quickly tapered off and a few minutes later the ceremony continued outdoors.

Although it started off quite extraordinarily, the rest of the wedding celebration went more predictably and was extremely joyous thank G‑d.

The wedding took place only two days ago (you can wish the Wilhelm’s Mazel tov by clicking here) and I haven’t had a chance to hear how the newly married couple feels about the unexpected drama at the start of their married life. However, knowing the groom’s family very well, I am absolutely sure that they will view the rain at the chupa as a blessing from G‑d.

The major world events of this week are a good backdrop against which to put things in perspective.

Earlier this week missiles were falling in Israel. The fact that in our own country Jews are hounded and pounded by enemy fire is tragic and unacceptable. The loss of life at the hands of our enemies is painful beyond words.

We must also pay attention to the miracles though. The casualty count was miraculously low. Not because the missiles are ineffective. When they score a direct hit, they are tragic.

An anti-tank missile actually did hit a bus. Which went up into flames immediately. Miraculously, it was moments after the soldiers had gotten off.

In other news this week, the California wildfires are reported to be the worst in America’s recorded history. The loss of life is tragic. Myriad homes were consumed by the uncontrollable fires which even wiped out an entire city. This disaster has impacted the lives of scores of thousands. In many ways it has irreparably damaged their lives.

My friends and colleagues in the affected areas of California have galvanized to provide support and help. Click here for more info.

It would be insensitive of me not to recognize a rained out chupa is quite an inconvenience and disappointment. True, it seems like quite an insignificant issue compared to the aforementioned real life and death matters going on around us. Still, it is certainly not something I would wish for anyone. (Watch the below clip and you will see how ludicrous it was).

The downsides of chupa under heavy rain? First of all, I am sure the rain damaged the new and costly fancy wedding clothes. The pictures of the chupa were affected without doubt. I am sure there are many other details that were affected by this unexpected deluge.

The only thing that was absolutely unaffected is the actual marriage of the young man and young woman standing under the chupa. They exited the chupa as a married couple. Moreover, the powerful G‑dly blessings that accompany every wedded couple were in no way diminished. On the contrary, it would seem that in Jewish tradition the rain only serves to emphasize the Divine blessings that will ‘rain down’ upon this couple as they enter their married life. After all, rain is quite literally a life giving elixir that comes down from Heaven. It symbolizes that all of our material sustenance comes from G‑d.

Here is the point:

Too often we miss the point. We get sidetracked and distracted. When driving a car, getting distracted is downright dangerous G‑d forbid. When living life, getting distracted from our primary goals can lead to living an uninspired life. Or even worse, being mildly depressed G‑d forbid.

For example, Bar Mitzvahs sometimes become more about the ‘bar’ and the party than about the ‘mitzvah’.

When preparing a family for the bar or bat mitzvah of their child I emphasize the importance of not losing sight of what the celebration is really about. It is about the privilege and responsibility of entering the age of being obligated in performing the mitzvahs of the Almighty.

Yes, the celebration is important. But it is a celebration of the primary achievement of Bar Mitzvah. And we need to keep our ‘eyes on the ball’ and not lose our way.

With weddings, it is even more common to lose sight of what a wedding is really about. Wedding preparations are sometimes focused on things that are not meaningful in the greater picture. Exaggerated amounts of time and money are spent on things that are fleeting and extremely short-lived. Clothing, makeup, pictures, menus and so on.

Certainly all these things are important ingredients for a joyous wedding celebration. And the Torah does instruct us to rightfully mark the beginning of a new Jewish family with unbridled joy. The right perspective is critical though. So that the secondary is not treated as primary which would relegate the primary to secondary.

Primary in a marriage is the commitment to honor, cherish, respect and love one another. Critical to the success of the union is entering the relationship under the G‑dly canopy. Realizing that a Jewish marriage and home can only succeed if built on the foundation of Torah and Mitzvahs.

Rain can ruin clothes. It can cloud pictures. It can scare away the guests to run indoors for cover. It cannot adversely affect the real and enduring meaning of marriage.

This is a message that we can all take for our own lives.

When you face a disappointment because of something not going the way you anticipated or wanted, it may help to take a moment and think about what your primary goal in life is. Very often the primary goal is unaffected. It is merely the circumstances that have not lived up to your hopes.

Our mission and goal is as stated in the beginning of the Torah to recognize, serve and bring and awareness of G‑d into our own lives and to our surroundings.

I bless you that Almighty G‑d give you everything GOOD in your life, so that you can carry out your primary mission in life, from a position of health, nachat, prosperity and happiness.

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Yosef Kantor