"Shabbat Shalom from Bangkok"

There is a famous experiment called the Stanford marshmallow experiment.

In this study, a child was offered a choice between one small but immediate reward, or two small rewards if they waited for a period of time.

Some people say that one can predict the willpower and choices of a person as an adult based on how they perform in this test as a child. 

While others argue that there are many other factors to consider besides for the child’s willpower strength. Among them, the levels of dependability of the adults in their life. 

It seems plausible to say that when two children grow up in two different households there are so many different factors in their life that it is difficult to draw absolute conclusions from their differing behaviors.

With the two sons of Yitschak and Rivka as described in this weeks Parsha, it is different. They are born as twins in the same household, raised in the same way by the same parents.

Yet they are as different as they can be.

The Torah relates that Esav went for instant gratification. Yaakov went for long term goodness.

Yaakov developed as a calm studious righteous person – hangs out in the tents of prayer and study.

Esav grows up and is a rambunctious hunter. His place is out in the wild where he traps and hunts. 

How can two righteous parents like Yitschak and Rivka have two radically different children with one of them being a bad child?

The philosophical question is even bigger. 

Does this mean that some kids are born bad. Destined to be naughty and possibly evil?

How can G-d instill bad character traits in a person and then hold them responsible for being sinful. It would not be fair to reward or punish people if they are born with a character that is superimposed upon them by G-d at birth.

The answer is very simple.

No one is born bad or good. The Talmud says that ‘righteous’ or ‘wicked’ are not predetermined at birth.

The child who is born with rambunctious, wild and instant gratification tendencies is not bad.

The child who is born with studios, obedient and delayed gratification tendencies is not good.

The inborn nature of a child is a feature, a tool that is given to them at birth. 

How they use that character is where the hard work of life begins.

For example, Esav could have been the fearless warrior who stood up for the oppressed.

Yaakov could have G-d forbid misused his gifts by being a brilliant philosopher who leads the world into atheistic ‘'beliefs’.

We must look at our children with a positive eye.

what a tragedy it is when we let ourselves believe that some kids are born ‘bad’ and have no chance to contribute meaningfully to the world.

I just came back from spending five days with thousands of my colleagues, Shluchim of the Rebbe from around the world. 

We are as different as different can be. 

Yes, the picture with all the black hats makes us all look the same. But rest assured there are so many different character traits among us. 

Some more studious, some more rambunctious. 

I suspect that many of us may have failed the marshmallow test as kids and gobbled down the marshmallow immediately. 

But that does not bother me in the least. 

I don’t believe that the test has the ability to predict the future of the person in terms of morality and fulfilling the mission of Hashem.

The Rebbe was insistent that so long as one is tethered to something higher, and focused on fulfilling their G-dly mission, every part of their character can serve as an asset in their service of Hashem.

Each of us is blessed with our own personality and character. 

No two people are the same.

Whatever personality we have, is a G-d given one. 

Even the parts of our nature that we think we may have preferred to change. It can be viewed as a handicap, or it can be embraced as a gift. 

The stronger ones faith in G-d, the more one deepens their understanding that everything we own, our very natures included, are given to us as a feature and asset to be used in our divinely tailored mission of transforming the world into a G-dly place.

Shabbat Shalom

Rabbi Yosef Kantor

This week’s parsha is about GOOD NEWS. 

MAZEL TOV

Avraham and Sarah’s son Yitschak, marries Rivkah. 

The Torah treats it with a lot of prominence and excitement. The details of how the ‘shidduch’ came to be are repeated more than once. 

Before I even go further let us use this as a reminder to focus and harp on the good news. 

Highlight all the things that are going well in your life.

Let us be ambassadors of positivity by training ourselves in seeing the good side of things. 

In this way we can become the opposite of kvetches. 

Next time you are about to say oy vey try to offset it with a statement that can be about ‘oh yeah’.

(Like buying carbon credits to offset your carbon footprint to borrow a term commonly used in contemporary environmentalism).

Back to the Parsha story. 

Avraham is getting old and realizes it’s time to marry off his son Yitschak.

This was easier said than done.

Avraham wanted a girl from his own ancestral family which meant he had to search in a neighboring country.

He dispatched his servant Eliezer and blessed him to be successful in finding the perfect match for his son Yitschak.

Eliezer sets out with ten camels laden with his master’s wealth. 

Miraculously his journey takes a mere few hours instead of a few days. 

Upon entering the city Eliezer prays that Hashem grant him success.

‘I will go to the spring of water. The girls of the city will go out to draw water. I will ask a girl for water. If she replies that she will not only give me water but will also draw water for my camels, this will be an indication that this is the bride for my master’s son’.

Before he even finished this prayer, a girl came out with her water jar on her shoulder.

Eliezer was so sure that Avraham’s blessing of success was playing out in front of his eyes that he proceeded as if he was certain that this was the right girl. He asked her for water; she offered water also to the camels. 

Indeed, this was Rivka, from the right family and with the right character to become our second matriarch alongside her mother-in-law Sarah.

Everything worked out perfectly.

So perfectly that it becomes quite a major story in the Torah.

The main ‘actor’ in the story is Eliezer. 

His greatness is his devotion to his master and his self-awareness about staying true to that mission. Aware that he is at the same time both an important ‘player’ in the game but that his part is to be selfless and transparently true to Avraham’s instructions. 

He self identifies in the Torah this week to the parents of the bride as:

 ‘Servant of Avraham I am’. 

There is a simplicity in that statement that is pristine and beautiful because it is so stunningly mission focused.

This is a man who has just seen the greatest miracles unfold as he embarks on his mission. He saw miraculously speeded up travel. The girl he was looking for like a ‘needle in a haystack’ came out to greet him without him needing to search. The family member who wanted to stop this match inexplicably died. The girl agreed to come immediately back with Eliezer to proceed with the betrothal.

Eliezer doesn’t lose his demeanor or his focus.

He doesn’t decide to ‘run for office’. 

‘Servant of Avraham I am’ he says.

 In his mind this is the true reason why all the miracles happened. 

His confidence in the G-dly greatness of his master Avraham is enough to make it clear to the people he has to negotiate with that the mission will come to fruition. 

For Eliezer is not just an independent outsourced ‘matchmaker’ trying to make a match. He is a personal representative of Avraham.

Avraham is the man of G-d. Avraham is changing the world to belief in one G-d. Avraham’s mission requires marrying off his son Yitschak so that the ethos and values are brought into the next generation. 

Eliezer, Avraham’s servant is dispatched to carry out this most important mission.

It all works out to perfection.

This is the story of this week’s parsha.

‘Everything that could go right, goes right’. Actually it goes far better than could have been anticipated.

This is the way it should for every mission that is dedicated to promoting and spreading awareness of G-d in the world.

The Rebbe dedicated his life to changing the world into a G-dly place. He began his leadership a mere handful of years after the Holocaust in 1950 and the mission is still underway. The objective and culmination of this mission, spells the arrival of Mashiach.

By taking ‘Eliezer’s’ and dispatching them around the globe, the Rebbe revitalized Jewish observance in all four corners of the globe. 

In a miraculous way the Rebbe succeeded in revitalizing Judaism in all four corners of the globe.

This week the Rebbe’s Shluchim emissaries are congregating in New York for an annual conference. 

There are challenges that accompany our work. We don’t shy away from those and tackle them with faith and optimism. There are lessons, discussions and workshops to gain better skills in whatever fields are needed.

The miracles that are shared from all parts of the world are incredible beyond words. So many stories of how G-d’s blessings make the improbable and seemingly impossible, a reality.

As this week’s parsha teaches us, ‘Eliezer’ knows that he is an agent, a ‘shliach’ of Avraham. And this is why he has miracle after miracle coming to his rescue in carrying out his mission.

The Shluchim are very aware that the blessings are in the merit of the great ‘Avraham’, the Rebbe who dispatches them.

Here is a story that I just heard as I arrived in New York from a Shliach some ten years my junior.

‘A few years ago, I was at a farbrengen with my colleagues, fellow Shluchim in my state. 

The rabbi who was leading the discussion encouraged us to upgrade our personal levels of learning Torah. Particularly he was advocating to take on a commitment to learning the higher track of the daily Rambam studies. Not one chapter a day (finishing the entire book in three years) but three chapters a day (finishing the Mishne Torah of the Rambam annually). The rabbi was saying that it would bring blessing to our lives.

Realizing that I had two daughters of marriageable age, but was not having success in finding them husbands, and that for more than  a decade I had been talking about buying a building for our Chabad house but was stymied, I would be downright foolish if I didn’t take the upgraded learning track. I took on the more intense learning commitment.

Within a year, my first daughter got engaged. Within the second year the next daughter got engaged. Within the third year we bought a building for our community.

The building came about in an overtly miraculous way. Here is how:

About twenty years ago a man called me to come over to his house as he had some men’s suits to donate. While it was not a valuable donation, I went to meet this man and facilitate his charitable act. 

Fast forward many years. This same man called me because his mother had passed away and he needed guidance in the Jewish laws and customs. His mother had left him an inheritance. He said ‘Rabbi, I have heard you mentioning that you need a building for the shul, how much money are we talking about? 

I went over to meet him. We had a certain property in mind. It was priced at 4.8 million dollars. This man pledged 3 million dollars. When we were short eight hundred thousand at the time of purchase, he added another 800k. Now we are in our own building with no debt on the building’.

My colleague finished telling me the incredulous story and concluded ‘I can not take any credit for this incredible building if I wanted to. It is a complete miracle. The only part I played was picking up the clothing donation many years ago and just going about my ongoing work of teaching Torah and helping Jews discover and implement their Jewish heritage.

‘A servant of Avraham I am’.

The symbiosis between being undistractedly focused on the ‘shlichus’ mission, and watching remarkable – even miraculous – things unfold, is exquisite.

The conference this weekend brings together the six thousand plus of the ‘Rebbe’s ‘peace-corps’.

The message of the Kinus Hashluchim conference is one that applies to every person.

The Rebbe’s directive to our generation is to view life through the prism of being an agent of Hashem. 

Recognize that you are part of something bigger than yourself.

Take responsibility for your part of the mission. 

Not because it is good for you. Or because it makes you feel like you are doing something meaningful. 

That too is true. But put that on the side. 

Do it because you are like Eliezer. ‘A servant of Avraham I am’.

As a created being you have a task that Hashem has entrusted you with. 

Your role is clearly non-transferable. Hashem has chosen YOU to fill YOUR tailor-made mission in life.

Don’t try to be like Jonah who runs away from the mission.

Engage in what G-d has placed in your life with the clarity and drivenness of a ‘man on a mission’. 

Classically the Rebbe instructed ‘if you know alef bet and your friend knows only alef, teach them bet’. 

Reframe your life now as ‘how can I do best for my advancement’ but ‘how can I advance the mission of G-d to perfect the world in the best way’.

You will be happier as a side result. 

Does the path forward to carrying out your mission look insurmountable?

It looked that way for Eliezer as well. Do what he did.

Eliezer prayed that Hashem would make his mission successful. 

We too pray:

‘Hashem, please allow me to fulfil my mission, YOUR mission with smooth success’. 

If miracles are needed, may G-d grant miracles.

And may we finally get to the redemption with the coming of Mashiach. NOW!

With blessing,

Rabbi Yosef Kantor

PS the grand finale of the three-day conference is the Gala Banquet on Sunday (NY time). Below is a link to the program which will be broadcast live via Chabad.org

PPS if you would like to forward me your name and request to be mentioned at the Rebbe’s Ohel please click here.