By the Grace of G-d
Dear Friend,
I hope the other nine, who are probably as hungry and thirsty as me, are not annoyed with me.
Surely, they are not. As they know that it’s not my innovation. Its an ancient Jewish tradition that the ‘minyan’ of ‘Chevra Kadisha’ (lit Holy Society) fasts from dawn to nightfall on a designated day every year. We have chosen today – the 15th day of Kislev – as our designated fast day.
This year is the first year that we are fulfilling this custom here in Bangkok. In conjunction with the consecration and dedication of the new Jewish cemetery grounds near Bangkok, it is appropriate that we adopt this custom. It is a sign of a mature and developing community.
It is a voluntary fast. Ten men of our community, who are sensitive and always ready to help with matters pertaining to burial, are currently in midst of a daylong fast that will end with Kiddush tonight.
Why the fast?
To pray to G-d for forgiveness.
Forgiveness for what? For doing the mitzvah of helping fellow Jews reaching their final resting place in the Jewish tradition of burial?
For that we should be patted on the back. Not asking forgiveness.
This is so counterintuitively uplifting.
The Torah instructs Jews to bury their loved ones after their life here on earth concludes.
The Torah praises the mitzvah of tending to the dead as being benevolence of the highest order.
Admittedly, it is not pleasant work that people would usually seek to engage in. Certainly not to volunteer for. We do it because it’s a mitzvah. It’s the way G-d has told us to conduct ourselves. It’s what G-d Himself did for Moshe after he went up on the mountain of Nevo. We are emulating G-d when we engage in acts of kindness to those who have passed.
There is a delicate balance though between celebrating accomplishment and feeling humble and undeserving.
First of all, kudo and compliments to those that roll up their sleeves and do what needs to be done.
They should be praised to the heavens!
But how do those valiant men and women, who overcome distaste and dedicate time and energy to do this holy work feel?
Proud?
Maybe sometimes.
But they also take one day every year to refrain from food and drink and be introspective about their role in tending to those who have passed on to the next world. The World of Truth, aka ‘Gan Eden’ - Paradise.
This ‘timeout’ of sorts is undertaken to mediate on the fact that maybe with their best of intentions, and has hard as they have tried, they have inadvertently not treated every ‘body’ with the fullest levels of dignity. They are human after all. And humans have imperfections.
This morning we gathered for prayer. Special ‘selichot’ were recited emphasizing our remorseful mood as we ask G-d to forgive us if we have been lacking in some way in our conduct. This is followed by a visit to the cemetery where forgiveness is also asked from those who are buried there. In case somehow they were not treated perfectly.
Think about it. This is totally ‘against the flow’ behavior.
Conventional wisdom would say that you should feel like a trillion bucks for engaging in this tedious work in the first place. And I can tell you that such care and gentleness is used when preparing the body that it is truly inspiring. We put forth our best effort. If it so happened that we didn’t get it 100% right so what? Say thanks that its being done at all.
This is not the Torah way though. The Torah tells us that when it comes to analyzing OURSELVES, we should be feeling less than perfect. (We should not be judgmental of others; it is self-introspection we I am talking about). We should stay away from the smug attitudes that can all too easily creep in, when we engage in something heroic.
We need to train ourselves to harbor two conflicting emotions at the same time. On the one hand we should feel privileged and uplifted to have been given the merit to engage in this holy work, and on the other hand, feel insignificant as we have not been perfect in our performance.
It’s a balance that Yaakov taught us in this weeks Parsha when he is about to meet Esav his vengeful brother.
Yaakov has been promised by G-d some twenty years earlier that Hashem will protect him. Yet he is scared because he feels he may not be worthy of the blessing. Perhaps he has not lived up to the full potential that Hashem has provided for him. In that case he will be considered ‘off target’ and not worthy of Hashems miracles.
We know that Yaakov was a saintly person. Yaakov surely knew about his own piety. Yet, he viewed himself as not being worthy. Because maybe he could have done even better.
This is the same notion that is implicit in the fast of the ‘Chevra Kadisha’.
A Chevra Kadisha does their hard, sometimes grueling, noble work. Unsung and uncelebrated.
Kudos to them!
But they don’t stop with being happy about their great kindness. They take time for introspection. To reflect on the fact that they may have been imperfect in an unintentional way. To ask forgiveness from their fellow departed Jew and to ask forgiveness from G-d for possibly not living up to His expectations of us.
This is truly a mark of a ‘HOLY society.
Happy (with their accomplishment) but not satisfied (with it).
My dear friend. The Jewish way in death and mourning is so holy and so pure. Why is it that Jewish people are becoming less sensitive to this important tradition? I get so heartbroken when I encounter people who choose to cremate their Jewish relatives. Or when I hear of people who leave final instructions for their own cremation.
The Torah clearly tells us how to treat the bodies of our loved ones and brethren after the soul has left. It needs to be laid gently to rest in earth. The body is still somewhat alive. It needs to be treated with deference, dignity and respect.
I believe firmly that a Jew who chooses cremation is solely a result of misinformation.
I don’t want to draw any parallels… but use your imagination and think about topics that exist in our society today where rumors, conspiracy theories, lack of information and peer pressure cause the behavior of people to be misguided.
There is no rational or sensible reason I have ever heard for cremation to be chosen over burial.
The only thing that may be argued is that in some places cremation is cheaper than burial.
But we are talking about a choice that has eternal implications. Being buried as a Jew is a final statement to the world that I AM A JEW.
Will we let money get in the way of choices that are infinitely more valuable than money?
We need to spread more Jewish knowledge about this topic.
I ask you to educate yourself on the topic. And then you and I can join forces in dispelling the untruths that are rife about cremation having some merit over burial. Look into it and you will learn how ‘right’ burial is.
Talk more about your burial plans with your loved ones and with your friends.
Talking about ‘after life’ used to be taboo. Parents didn’t speak about ‘scary things’ like that with their teenage children.
Times have changed. Today’s teenagers are exposed to many things that it would be better they wouldn’t be exposed to. They are not scared off by talking about death as long as it’s done in a matter-of-factly, healthy and positive way.
The worldwide Jewish community needs to be more proactive about teaching the topic of the mitzvah of burial.
A Jew who takes the time to educate themselves about the virtues of burial over cremation, will certainly opt for burial. They may however be left with one small hurdle to overcome.
Price.
This, in Thailand, we are alleviating please G-d by our new cemetery ground purchase.
Truth be told, money has never been an issue for a Jew to be buried in Thailand. I have merited to bring many Jews to their final rest, who didn’t have any funds at all. Our community are heroes. Charitable and benevolent heroes. They have always opened their hearts and pockets to ensure that every Jew receives his dignified rest.
With the new grounds, this affordability is even more guaranteed and possible.
Let me make it very clear.
Any Jewish person who passes away anywhere in Thailand need only leave instructions that they wish to be buried as a Jew and we will see to it that this will happen please G-d.
Please be an ambassador of this great mitzvah and encourage your friends and loved ones to leave instructions (a note in your own handwriting is a great start, don’t delay in waiting for a lawyer, write a note immediately).
I would like to share, that this first time in my life that I am fasting the ‘Chevra Kadisha’ fast. It is deeply meaningful and emotional to me.
It shows me how sensitive we are meant to be as Jews taking care of one another.
Can you imagine, if this is the way we take care of our deceased, how sensitive and detail oriented we need to be in tending to the living?
Not just they way we ACT towards each other. Even the way we THINK about each other.
The Alter Rebbe – founder of Chabad – whose day of redemption (19th of Kislev) we celebrate this coming week, made the following comment in Tanya (Iggeret Hakodesh Epistle 22).
T he Alter Rebbe resumes his plea to his Chasidim:
Therefore, my beloved and dear ones, I beg again and again that each of you exert himself with all his heart and soul to firmly implant in his heart a love for his fellow Jew, and, in the words of Scripture, “let none of you consider in your heart what is evil for his fellow.
Moreover, [such a consideration] should never arise in one’s heart [in the first place]; and if it does arise, one should push it away from his heart “as smoke is driven away,” as if it were an actual idolatrous thought. For to speak evil [of another] is as grave as idolatry and incest and bloodshed. And if this be so with speech, [then surely thinking evil about another is even worse,] for all the wise of heart are aware of the greater impact [on the soul] of thought over speech,
This is one of the things we need to strive for.
Not just to ACT nicely to each other. We need to THINK nicely of each other as well. Entertaining negative thoughts about others is UNACCEPTABLE says the Alter Rebbe, just as is idolatry.
May the Almighty grant us the great privilege of thinking good about each other, and how much more so, helping each other, with acts of kindness during good, health, joyous and uplifting times.
And as the prayers we recited at the cemetery this morning concluded, (we went there to ask for forgiveness from those buried there, and to see what needed tending to) may the prophecy that ‘DEATH WILL BE SWALLOWED UP FOREVER, G-D WILL WIPE AWAY TEARS FROM ALL FACES’ become a reality, with MASHIACH NOW!!!
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi Yosef Kantor
PS on SUNDAY we are dedicating the new Cemetery Land. click here for more details.