There is a famous experiment called the Stanford marshmallow experiment.
In this study, a child was offered a choice between one small but immediate reward, or two small rewards if they waited for a period of time.
Some people say that one can predict the willpower and choices of a person as an adult based on how they perform in this test as a child.
While others argue that there are many other factors to consider besides for the child’s willpower strength. Among them, the levels of dependability of the adults in their life.
It seems plausible to say that when two children grow up in two different households there are so many different factors in their life that it is difficult to draw absolute conclusions from their differing behaviors.
With the two sons of Yitschak and Rivka as described in this weeks Parsha, it is different. They are born as twins in the same household, raised in the same way by the same parents.
Yet they are as different as they can be.
The Torah relates that Esav went for instant gratification. Yaakov went for long term goodness.
Yaakov developed as a calm studious righteous person – hangs out in the tents of prayer and study.
Esav grows up and is a rambunctious hunter. His place is out in the wild where he traps and hunts.
How can two righteous parents like Yitschak and Rivka have two radically different children with one of them being a bad child?
The philosophical question is even bigger.
Does this mean that some kids are born bad. Destined to be naughty and possibly evil?
How can G-d instill bad character traits in a person and then hold them responsible for being sinful. It would not be fair to reward or punish people if they are born with a character that is superimposed upon them by G-d at birth.
The answer is very simple.
No one is born bad or good. The Talmud says that ‘righteous’ or ‘wicked’ are not predetermined at birth.
The child who is born with rambunctious, wild and instant gratification tendencies is not bad.
The child who is born with studios, obedient and delayed gratification tendencies is not good.
The inborn nature of a child is a feature, a tool that is given to them at birth.
How they use that character is where the hard work of life begins.
For example, Esav could have been the fearless warrior who stood up for the oppressed.
Yaakov could have G-d forbid misused his gifts by being a brilliant philosopher who leads the world into atheistic ‘'beliefs’.
We must look at our children with a positive eye.
what a tragedy it is when we let ourselves believe that some kids are born ‘bad’ and have no chance to contribute meaningfully to the world.
I just came back from spending five days with thousands of my colleagues, Shluchim of the Rebbe from around the world.
We are as different as different can be.
Yes, the picture with all the black hats makes us all look the same. But rest assured there are so many different character traits among us.
Some more studious, some more rambunctious.
I suspect that many of us may have failed the marshmallow test as kids and gobbled down the marshmallow immediately.
But that does not bother me in the least.
I don’t believe that the test has the ability to predict the future of the person in terms of morality and fulfilling the mission of Hashem.
The Rebbe was insistent that so long as one is tethered to something higher, and focused on fulfilling their G-dly mission, every part of their character can serve as an asset in their service of Hashem.
Each of us is blessed with our own personality and character.
No two people are the same.
Whatever personality we have, is a G-d given one.
Even the parts of our nature that we think we may have preferred to change. It can be viewed as a handicap, or it can be embraced as a gift.
The stronger ones faith in G-d, the more one deepens their understanding that everything we own, our very natures included, are given to us as a feature and asset to be used in our divinely tailored mission of transforming the world into a G-dly place.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi Yosef Kantor