From a taxi driver in the holy city of Jerusalem, I saw a teaching from the Talmud come to life.
On this past Shabbat I was teaching about the laws prohibiting mistreating and causing pain to someone even if only verbally. (It was the three chapters of daily Rambam of the day).
I opened the Talmud to delve a bit deeper and quoted the following (Bava Metzia 59a):
Rav says: A person must always be careful about mistreatment of his wife, (even verbally). Since her tear is easily elicited, punishment for her mistreatment is immediate….
Rav Ḥ isda says: All the gates of Heaven are apt to be locked, except for the gates of prayer for victims of verbal mistreatment, … Rabbi Elazar says: In response to all transgressions, God punishes the perpetrator by means of an agent, except for mistreatment
I was in Jerusalem attending the AKO conference (Association of Kashrus Organizations) to keep abreast of the constantly changing world of food production and its kashrut implications.
I jumped into a taxi. The driver was talkative. I don’t know what prompted him but he told me the following story.
A few weeks ago, someone called him and wanted to transport some food from his mother-in-laws house to another location. He asked to be quoted a price, and 50 shekel was agreed on. After waiting some time for the food to be brough to the taxi the driver called the person who had called him. ‘Oh, my mother-in-law found another way’ the person responded. The taxi driver said ‘but I am waiting here already for fifteen minutes’. The caller responded, ‘ok, I will send someone to give you the 50 shekel’. That someone didn’t appear. When the driver called back, the person told him ’50 shekel is too much for this, I will give you 20 shekel’. The driver felt humiliated and told him, ‘I don’t want your money, may G-d forgive you because I am not forgiving you’ and drove off. The person has tried to reach me a few times since to pay me the full amount, and he asked me for my bank account, said the driver, but I told him I was too hurt and I don’t want his money as I don’t feel like forgiving him’.
The driver saw that I was shaken up by the story. I was. Both from how he was humiliated and I was also shaken by the fact that the driver would be so unwelcoming to the person wanting to make amends for a mistake he made. The driver told me ‘I have an even more dramatic story to share’:
A few years ago, I was driving a ‘sherut’ (shared taxi service) van. A family arrived on holiday to the airport and asked to go to Jerusalem. I told the parents that for the babies they don’t have to pay me. The father said that he insisted on paying for his babies as well and I limited the number of passengers based on that income.
When we arrived at the destination, the father said that he had done some searching on line and found that he didn’t really have to pay for the children either and he was going to prepare only for the adults. I got upset and said you don’t have to pay for children if they sit on your laps and don’t take up seats, but I limited the amount of passengers based on giving your kids their own seats. The father argued with me. I felt humiliated and wronged and said ‘fine, don’t bother paying me I don’t need your money’ and drove off.
A few days later I had a drop-off at the same place, continues the driver his story. I saw a kid with his leg in a cast and the kid comes hobbling over to the car and says, ‘Please wait a minute, my father is looking for you’. Unfortunately, a few hiccups happened to this family, one of them being his child breaking a bone, and he realized that he had acted inappropriately to me. The father asked my forgiveness and paid for the entire van full of passengers.
After hearing this story, we were nearing our destination. I asked the driver ‘how much do I owe you’ and he pointed to the running meter and said whatever the meter says. Many taxi drivers in Israel try to charge more than the meter (especially to tourists). When I asked him why he was so scrupulous about sticking to the meter he told me ‘my livelihood comes from G-d. Even though I may not look religious, I never start my day without putting on Tefilin and praying’.
I shared excitedly with the driver that I had just taught this topic on Shabbat. That wronging someone and verbally mistreating them is so hateful that the gates of prayer remain open for those who have suffered this mistreatment.
The Talmud had just come to life in these stories told by the driver.
But now I want to teach you something, I told the driver. And since you have demonstrated to me how steadfast your faith in G-d is, I am sure you will try your best to fulfil the following teaching.
The Sages taught: About those who are insulted and do not insult, who hear their shame and do not respond, who act out of love and are joyful in suffering, the verse says: “And they that love Him are as the sun going forth in its might” (Judges 5:31).
This means that you have the chance to rise above feeling humiliated and shamed. By doing so and not acting in a way of ‘tit for tat’, you will earn the title of being considered someone loving of G-d, like the sun in its might.
I would urge you, I told the driver, to please give the 50 shekel offender the chance to pay you and you should forgive him.
That is the G-dly thing to do.
The takeaways are clear.
Don’t wrong someone else.
Financially or verbally.
Mistakes happen. If you accidentally made someone feel hurt, take ownership and apologize.
On the flip side, if someone wrongs you G-d forbid (I am talking about most standard ‘smallish’ issues), try and overcome your anger and resentment and forgive them.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Yosef Kantor