Sometimes a silly joke conveys a deep message.
Joke: A guy who was living on the kibbutz in the days when farming the land was standard, was looking to get married. On the bulletin board of the kibbutz dining area, he placed a sign: ‘Looking to get married to a girl with a tractor. Please send pictures of the tractor….’.
Sounds like a ridiculously silly joke, but is it really any different from the all-too-common misguided reality when someone searches for a spouse based solely on the externals. Don’t you wonder how someone looking for a spouse can be more interested in their good looks, economic status or glamor, rather than their inner qualities, like whether they are a good, kindhearted person?
Marriage or any other form of meaningful relationships between people needs to be focused on the character and behavior of the people involved. Not on the externals of their beauty or economics.
King Solomon (Shlomo Hamelech) taught in his poem ‘Eishet Chayil’ (woman of valor) that we sing every Friday night before Kiddush.
‘False is grace, and vain is beauty; a G-d-fearing woman, she should be praised’.
King Solomon is telling us the simple truism that only values, morals, and overall alignment with G-d is what truly makes a person praiseworthy. The inside of the person is what counts. The external features of the physique are empty.
Let’s think about this.
Is it that simple to reject exterior beauty as being unimportant and empty?
The Torah places value and importance on beauty.
This week’s Parsha Terumah contains the instructions on building a Temple for Hashem, first a traveling Mishkan and eventually a permanent edifice in Jerusalem.
The materials that G-d instructed to be used for the building are described at great length. Lots of gold, silver, precious stones and beautiful textiles were used in the building.
The Rambam in the laws of building the Bet Hamikdash writes as follows: The most preferable way to fulfill the mitzvah is by strengthening the building and raising it to the utmost degree within the potential of the community, as implied by Ezra 9:9: “to exalt the House of our Lord.” They must make it beautiful and attractive according to their potential. If possible, it is a mitzvah to plate it with gold and to magnify all of its aspects.
If beauty is merely an empty and external thing why so much emphasis on the details of building a physically beautiful house for Hashem?
The Bet Hamikdash is the ultimate place of holiness and truth. Why do gold and silver and external beauty play such an important role?
When the ‘Miss Israel’ (the ‘beauty queen’ as it’s referred to) came to receive the blessing and dollars for tzedakah from the Lubavitcher Rebbe, the Rebbe referred to the Solomonic verse regarding beauty and by slightly rephrasing it, pointed out the deeper message contained therein.
The Rebbe explained that when one uses the G-d given gift of beauty in a way that is consistent with being G-d fearing and morally upright from within, then grace and beauty is to be praised.
The Torah is not averse to good looks and precious commodities.
On the contrary.
The natural expression of inner beauty is external beauty.
The Pirkei Avot (ethics of our fathers) sums it up (6:8):
Rabbi Shimon the son of Judah would say in the name of Rabbi Shimon the son of Yochai: Beauty, strength, wealth, honor, wisdom, sageness, old age and children are becoming to the righteous and becoming to the world
External things like money, good looks, honor and wealth are in fact positive things at their source when viewed and used correctly.
They are only negative if they are worshipped or seen as intrinsically significant without corresponding inner values.
When holiness and beauty reign from within, corresponding exterior beauty, wisdom, strength and wealth are powerful tools of holiness.
When it comes to Shabbat our sages taught that we should make the beds, put a tablecloth on the table, clean the home, bathe ourselves and put on nice clothes. The meal should be fancier both in the quality of the food and the number of courses. Even if you are just on your own.
This was put into practice during the period of lockdowns that Covid 19 brought with it. Many Shabbats were celebrated in seclusion. Yet, the proper way to honor the shabbat was not to stay in your pajamas of ‘leisurewear’ but to get dressed up in your finer garments and eat upgraded Shabbat foods even if you are all alone.
Let’s go a bit deeper to the ‘soul’ of this topic.
What is external beauty when referring to a person?
Mainly it is the perfectly formed features and build of the physical body.
Who provides that natural beauty with which a person is born?
G-d Almighty.
What makes gold so special in contrast to sand?
The fact that sand is available freely without effort while gold needs to be mined and is a limited commodity.
Who made that uneven distribution of resources?
G-d Almighty.
So let us investigate as to the intention of Hashem.
Our sages taught, why did G-d create gold at all?
To be used in the Bet Hamikdash.
The intention of gold is not to be a currency stabilizer or a commodity to offset inflation.
The very reason gold was created was to build a beautiful Bet Hamikdash.
If one puts on true G-d based ‘glasses’ everything in the world has been created by Hashem to be used for His glory.
Beauty and wealth and good health are all G-d given. They are not to be rejected as inherently negative. Rather they should be viewed and utilized as intended. to be the backdrop and beautiful environment for devoted commitment to serving G-d.
There is an instruction to ‘beautify’ our observance of the commandments of Hashem.
When you build a house of worship for Hashem it should be nicer than your personal home.
When you give tzedakah to help others – thus being an agent of G-d to help that person - give the poor person something even more expensive than what you would spend on yourself.
While our external features are given to us by G-d at birth, and we can’t do much to change that, we can change our true state of beauty. Our internal beauty. This is a beauty that is dependent very much on our own efforts.
G-d instructs in our Parsha ‘make for me a temple and I will dwell in them’ which alludes to the fact that G-d seeks to reside inside each and every one of us.
Until Mashiach comes – hopefully very very soon – the only Mikdash we can build is the inner one.
It behooves us to ensure that our inner temple is beautiful and valuable.
This is achieved by living a moral life of Torah and mitzvahs.
Especially by overcoming and rectifying our imperfect and even negative character traits. The things that are most challenging to us, sometimes are the most important for us to overcome and change.
As the Rambam so clearly outlines in his first book in Hilchot De’ot The Laws of Personality Development it is our holy G-dly duty to develop and mold our personalities to be ‘mentschen’ moral, kind, calm, patient and holy people. Even when requires intense
Our mood also counts. In terms of temperaments and moods, there is nothing more pleasing to G-d and more pleasant for relationships with others than joy – simcha.
Kvetching and complaining, sadness and negativity are anathema to G-dly revelation.
This month of Adar is one of extra special joy. Purim which is coming up in ten days, transforms the entire month into a month of increased joy.
May we merit to have many happy things in our lives to facilitate and make it easier to access our inner joy.
Happy month of Adar.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Yosef Kantor