By the Grace of G-d
Dear Friend,
It was hard to believe, but he is a man of integrity and I have no doubt that his age is as he states it to be, even though I didn’t see his passport. I am talking about a nice Jewish man who I met recently. I thought he was younger than me. Turns out he is sixty-seven. Eighteen years my senior. Granted, his beard is died black and his head is shaven. But you can’t hide your age merely by coloring your hair. His overall physique and demeanor are youthful and vigorous as is his youthful spirit. It really had me intrigued.
We had a long discussion about the legacy he would leave for the continuity of Judaism in his city. Not an unusual discussion for someone who is in their late sixties. But a bit incongruent for someone who looks like they are in their forties.
Which is why I couldn’t help but ask him: ‘How do you do it’? ‘How do you keep yourself looking so young?’.
He told me this in his forties he had been overweight, overworked, stressed etc etc etc. At that point he realized that if he wanted to live longer and have a better quality of life, he had better do whatever he could do to preserve his own health.
He started exercising. Eating healthier. Meditating. Maybe he also mentioned some other things but nothing earth-shattering.
No quick fixes.
He confronted his situation.
He worked at fixing it bit by bit.
He ‘battled the bulge’.
He went to ‘war’ against his workaholic tendencies.
War? Battle? Confrontation? These are words many of us try to stay away from.
Do we really need the unpleasantness of confrontation in our lives?
This week’s Parsha starts with the words ‘when you go to war against your enemies’.
War? Oy vey! We shudder when we hear the words. Can’t both sides just get along?
Here’s the thing. As much as we detest fighting, pacifism is simply not an option.
All of us must fight a war.
I refer to the war that needs to fought first and foremost from within. Against our own tendencies.
A newfangled idiom which riles many of the older generation is:
‘it’s all good’!
Now I like to think I am an optimist. And there was a famous sage in the Talmud who was venerated for saying ‘all that happens is for the good’.
But in the context that it is used I sometimes feel like saying ‘it’s not all good’. There are some things we have to work mighty hard at changing.
But it’s often not the outside we have to engage in confrontation. It’s our own inner selves.
Let me give some examples:
Marriages today barely stand a chance for survival. It’s out there in the statistics. Egos and natural selfishness are the erosive components of what should be a blissful relationship. Ironically, marriage only has a chance when you put up a fight. Not between the couple. A fight that each one of the partners in the marriage has to fight, again their own self-defeating tendencies.
Many struggle with keeping a healthy balance in their material lives. In an era of abundant resources, one has to battle the natural urge to indulge. Be it sugar, white flour or other substances. Not to mention the mother of all struggles, EXERCISE! Fitness clubs build into their projections the fact that only a certain percentage of paying members will actually show up to carry through their ambitious resolutions in this field.
There is a new battle that we all face. It is the struggle against the deluge of communication and information that is available to us. Many are still scrambling to establish clear boundaries of how to use technology as a tool for a meaningful life rather than being swallowed by it.
Gossip is a tough one. To keep away from non-positive chatter, is a huge fight.
There is a common thread to all these. The real war taking place in our lives during many of our waking moments, is about choosing what is right as opposed to what is tempting.
There’s no way out of this battle.
Actually, if you don’t feel that you are in a struggle, chances are that you are not doing enough.
How well balanced are your character traits? Kindness. Honesty. Integrity. Gratitude. Non-begrudging attitude. Tolerance.
These are things we need to constantly improve on.
Comfortable in your charitable activities? Hmm… maybe you are not giving enough. The saying ‘give till it hurts’ is the rule of thumb. Not till you become impoverished G-d forbid. The sages advised against that. But if its effortless, it’s probably not enough.
Are the mitzvahs you are doing well within your comfort zone? Time to ‘work up a sweat’. Do more.
It is this battle that we come down to earth for.
Why do we need to have this burden?
Because of G-d’s love to us, He wants to give us a special gift. The gift of being real participants and partners in the quest to make this world a better place.
We all know that something we earn is far more dear to us than something we get for free. People cherish things that they have labored over. G-d made our natures that way.
This is the reason that G-d created a world where to be true to His mission, effort, serious effort, even a battle-like effort, is needed.
For G-d wants to give us the greatest gift of all. The gift of partnering with Him in creation. By setting things up in a way that requires effort, man becomes vested in the overarching mission of ‘creating a comfortable space for G-d in this seemingly unholy world’.
It sounds like an oxymoron. ‘The battle for peace’. Battle and peace are polar opposites. True. But peace can only be achieved when one is ready to battle one’s own narcissistic and sometimes evil urges.
To truly make peace with those around you, there is a battle to be fought.
To bring holiness to an otherwise decadent atmosphere requires self-restraint and a commitment to higher values.
The good news is that G-d creates the battles. It is reassuring to realize that He chose our individual struggles and battles.
The even better news is that He also guarantees our success.
The Rebbe paraphrased the above-quoted verse to read ‘when you go out to do battle, OVER your enemy’. Not WITH your enemy which may indicate a balanced fight. ‘OVER your enemy’ means an imbalanced fight. For Hashem is backing us up and assuring our success.
We are standing at the threshold of a collective victory. Mashiach is about to usher in the final redemption. It is up to us to be victorious in our individual struggles. Every personal achievement helps tip the cosmic scales leading to the world redemption that we yearn for. We want Mashiach NOW.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi Yosef Kantor