By the Grace of G-d
Dear Friend,
On the first day of Rosh Hashana we read that G-d told Avraham ‘everything that Sarah tell you, listen to her voice’. That would seem to imply that you should always listen to your wife.
Rosh Hashana is also the day of creation of Adam the first man. It is therefore also the day that Chava (Eve) the first woman was created. Listening to Chava to eat of the forbidden fruit was not the best plan of action for Adam. It really changed the course of mankind.
To listen to one’s wife or not to listen this is the question.
Simple answer. It depends for what. If she is urging you to do something you know is wrong, like in Adams case, don’t listen. If she is telling you to do something that is correct but difficult, definitely listen.
When my brother Yehuda, rabbi of Chabad of Westport CT, told me that the date of his first daughter’s wedding was on September 3rd, I took a deep breath. It was less than a week before Rosh Hashana. I knew that I would make every effort to be at the wedding in CT but the timing was a little tight.
Once I was going to travel to the USA though, I had lots of work to do there. I figured I would squeeze the week as hard as I could to maximize my time in USA. I found a 3:35 am flight on Sunday morning via Hong Kong. This meant I could attend the Saturday night pre-Rosh Hashana midnight selichot in Bangkok, and arrive in NY on Sunday early afternoon. And I could push the week as far as possible if I took the EVA air Wednesday midnight flight. It gets to Bangkok on Friday mid-morning. Plenty of time till Shabbat. It made perfect sense to me.
Oops. I forgot to check with my wife. Not about the trip in general. That she was fine with. The arriving home on Friday did not sit well with her. Not with Rosh Hashana starting on Sunday night. If anything went wrong with the Wednesday night flight, you wouldn’t be home for Rosh Hashana, she said. I thought that perhaps she was being a bit too cautious. Later that day I was studying a Talmudic discussion that made me realize my wife was spot on.
The Torah says that the High Priest (Kohen Gadol) would atone on Yom Kippur for ‘himself and his house’. ‘His house’ refers to his wife. From this we know that the Kohen Gadol needed to be married to be eligible to carry out the Yom Kippur services in the Temple. The Talmud (Sukkah 24a) mentions the opinion of Rabbi Yehuda who said that the High Priest even needed to have a ‘standby wife’ whom he could marry in the unexpected scenario that his own wife died before Yom Kippur. The Talmud goes on to explain that usually it would be outlandish and far-fetched to go to such precautions. The wife of the High Priest is hopefully healthy and there should be no reason to suspect that G-d forbid something will happen to her. The question is why does Rabbi Yehuda say that in temple times they should prepare for that remote possibility? It sounds excessive.
The answer given by the Talmud is that because of the great holiness of Yom Kippur, extraordinary precautions were taken. Even if they seemed a bit far-fetched.
Hmmm. I got the point. If something is very important and holy, you go out of your way to make sure you won’t miss it. The Talmud may have mentioned Yom Kippur specifically, but Rosh Hashana is also a very holy day. Usually I wouldn’t hesitate to take that flight as long as it lands before midday on Friday. But it would seem from the Talmud that for a day like Rosh Hashana it is prudent to take extra precautions.
I am sure I would have changed the flight anyway just because my wife said so. After all, ‘shalom bayit’ (peace in the home) is a very important value in Torah life. But the Talmudic ‘sign’ from Heaven made me feel the Providence of it.
Nechama got on the phone and made all the arrangements to change my flights and for me to arrive home late Thursday night rather than Friday morning. As to my work? I reassured myself that since Hashem runs his world, whatever I needed to get done in NY, Hashem would certainly see to it that I would finish by Wed afternoon in time for my 3:15pm flight out of Newark.
At 2 am on Wednesday morning as I was trying to get a few hours of shut eye in NY, I got the call that Sam Cohen had passed away at age 92. I had known Sam ever since I arrived here and we were very fond of each other. There was no question in my mind that I would be officiating at the funeral. The funeral was scheduled for Friday 11am. A quick note about the funeral. It was very well attended. A minyan of Jews from our community. As well as many friends from USA, Canada, UK and Australia who were in attendance. The ambassador of Canada attended. I spoke about Sam’s exemplary character, his gratitude-filled attitude and the good deeds that he selflessly performed. I urged all those in attendance that they add in acts of morality and kindness as instructed by G-d to all of humanity. It was obviously very important that I was back to officiate at this funeral.
Sometimes G-d shows us that our decisions were correct. They fit so beautifully into what obviously only Hashem with his immaculate Providence could orchestrate.
Now I saw for sure that my wife’s intuition was directed by Heaven. Of course I had to be back on Thursday night.
And how did my New York schedule work out? Also very obviously overseen by Divine Providence. After seeing to it that the arrangements for burial at our Jewish cemetery were put into place it was already after 3am and I started my day. I went to the Rebbe’s Ohel to pray for the upcoming new year, and then to the morning prayers in shul. My subsequent meetings were wonderful and they were so good that they actually took longer than planned. I finished my appointments in Long Island at noon. My flight from Newark was at 3:15pm. I needed to pick up my stuff and finish packing in Brooklyn. A google maps search for Newark with a stop in Crown Heights had me arriving at Newark 70 minutes before the flight. I realized that I still had a chance to make the flight, albeit a slim one. What to do? I decided that I would do my bit and would place my trust in Hashem that He would get me on the flight.
I set off on my journey on the NY streets. G-d controlled the traffic flow in such a way that I arrived at the airport an hour before departure time. Thank G-d I had (uncharacteristically) checked in online the night before. But the automated system didn’t want to issue my luggage tags. It was 58 minutes before departure. One hour before departure is the cutoff time for issuing luggage tags. The man at the counter didn’t look happy with me, but then he did me a huge favor and issued baggage tags. He gave me a warning that next time I should come earlier. I certainly agree. Thank G-d I made it. And so did my bags.
As I was transiting through Hong Kong on Thursday night, my wife left me a voice note.
Jan Polatchek had called. In the spirit of my weekly email of last week, where I mentioned two stories of Jewish men who hadn’t had a Bar Mitzvah and had a belated one thanks to Providential meetings with inspired Jews who had offered them the opportunity to lay Tefilin. Jan had a new friend of a friend who was visiting Thailand and had never had a Bar Mitzvah. Nechama arranged that Jan would bring his friend on Friday morning to morning services and we would put on Tefilin and ‘Bar Mitzvah’ him. I go the privilege of doing that inspiring Mitzvah too.
Wow! Another important reason to be home on Thursday night.
Why do I share this personal anecdote in these days preceding Rosh Hashana?
First of all, to impress upon myself and my readers the importance and sanctity of Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. I will never forget my dismay when a good friend told me that he had forgotten it was Yom Kippur and would not be at Synagogue. Rather he would be at an activity that was not at all appropriate for Yom Kippur. Today, with internet, there is no excuse not to know when Yom Kippur is. It would be prudent and highly appropriate to mark down those days in your calendar months and even years in advance.
The High Holidays deserve our utmost attention, respect and observance. Consider upgrading and adding something to your usual observance of these special days.
I cannot urge you more about the main mitzvah of Rosh Hashana. Hearing the SHOFAR blown on both days of Rosh Hashana. It is by far the most important component of Rosh Hashana. On Tuesday & Wednesday we have the Shofar blowing at 11:15 am in Rembrandt Hotel. We also have a Tashlich and afternoon Shofar blowing on Tuesday 5:30 PM at the Benjasiri park lake (behind Imperial Queens Park hotel the further side from Emporium).
Wherever you are in the world you can find Shofar blowing’s.
Here is what I want to say about Shofar, Tefilin and mitzvah observance in general.
The only way to ‘be more Jewish’ is to do more mitzvahs. It is quite simple. G-d came down at Sinai and instructed the Jewish people in a host of rituals. We know from the anal of history that observance of mitzvahs is the only way to ensure Jewish continuity.
But much more importantly.
MITZVAHS ARE WHAT YOU REALLY DEEP DOWN WANT TO DO. It is not something foreign to you. Rather your soul become alive and inspired when you engage in doing a mitzvah in this physical world.
Try it!
In the New York Times, they once ran a full page ad for encouraging the lighting of Shabbat candles. The tag line was: They look like ordinary candles. Till you light them! (on Friday afternoon before sunset).
It’s easy to try. Take two candles and light them today before 6:07 PM. Here is a manual to DYI.
The same can be said about money. It looks like money till you give some to charity. Designate a tzedaka pushka (‘charity box’) in a prominent place in your home and start putting small amounts into it on at least a daily basis. (or before and after Shabbat and holidays). Take the ‘maaser’ (tithing) concept seriously and separate a full ten percent of your income to tzedaka. The really pious try and work their way up to giving twenty percent.
For men, Tefilin is a very important mitzvah. Visit us at the shul once in a while to lay Tefilin or consider buying your own (or loaning one from us) and committing to daily Tefilin wrapping.
Mitzvah’s will change your life for the good. It will make you more wholesome and inject meaning into your life.
Choose an additional mitzvah observance or upgrade an existing observance in honor of the upcoming new year!
Best wishes for a Shana Tova
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Yosef Kantor