By the Grace of G-d
Dear Friend,
Last week I wrote about the importance of having joy when you do Teshuva and upgrade your commitment to performing mitzvahs and good deeds. Little did I know how soon I would be called upon to ‘practice what I preach’.
Friday nights after the prayers and communal Shabbat dinner is when our family gets a chance to unwind. No phones are on. It is just us. Lounging around in casual wear and talking about what inspired us that week is part of our ‘oneg shabbat’ – pleasure of Shabbat.
At 11:00 pm the worker of the shul knocked persistently at our door. There was a man downstairs in shul who needed help. He had been a guest at our Shabbat dinner apparently.
Nechama looked at me and said ‘if someone needs help, of course you should go’. My mind told me of course that she was right and dutifully got dressed and went down.
This case caught me off balance. If my heart wasn’t sure about being joyous over this near midnight intrusion to my ‘quiet time’ when I saw who it was and heard his story, I became even less enthralled. The problem could have easily been avoided. It was a ‘hippy-style’ backpacker, who had joined for Shabbat and figured he could sleep by some Sikhs somewhere in the neighborhood.
Don’t get me wrong. We have been wakened many times in middle of the night for important reasons and my phone is always on for that very reason. I constantly urge people that they must call me regardless of the time of day or night if there is something urgent that I can help with. For this we are here!
But in this particular case my heart was telling me ‘this is not fair’; why didn’t he tell me he needed a place to sleep before Shabbat or even after the meal. We could have worked something out with one of the nearby guest houses. What was I to do now in middle of a rainy night. My mind kept telling me ‘just do what you need to do’. ‘What you know is right’. ‘Regardless of how you feel about it’. I went out into the rain with my new guest and after trying two motels, managed to get a place for the night based on my guarantee of payment after Shabbat.
My heart? It took some more coaxing. My wife put things in perspective for me. ‘Aren’t we lucky that Hashem brought this extraordinary mitzvah our way on the night of Shabbat Teshuva. What a wonderful preparation for Yom Kippur to be able to provide lodging for a wayfarer’.
And then it dawned on me.
We really start ‘serving G-d’ when we do something we really don’t feel like doing. I was being forced to leave my ‘comfort zone’. Let’s be honest, my job entails that be nice and try to help people. If someone enters the Rabbinate they must be prepared to give of their time and energy to help others. I was ok with that. Apparently though, I was used to certain types of repetitive acts of kindnesses that I was comfortable performing. Here G-d gave me something out of my usual repertoire. The timing was not convenient. The nature of the need was unusual. We don’t usually provide lodging. Also, my perception that the guest had acted irresponsibly made me a bit judgmental. Certainly it made me less joyous about the scenario.
Once my wife reframed the situation I embraced if joyously and thankfully. The ten days between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur are all about introspection and self-betterment. I was truly thankful to G-d for having provided a ‘test’ in real life. A test that allowed me to get to know myself a bit better. It became obvious that there was still plenty of work to be done in refining myself in the recesses of my mind and heart. In terms of my commitment to helping others and doing so JOYOUSLY.
(BTW after conversing with the young man on Shabbat day I found out that he was truly a hero albeit a true backpacker. He had been travelling for several years now. He had only found out a few years earlier that his mother was Jewish. Had a circumcision just a few months ago at Chabad in Kazakhstan. Mainly got from place to place by hitchhiking. He simply left life up to G-d without all that much forward thinking. Retroactively I understood him in a much more pleasing and honorable light).
The next day Hashem sent me another mission.
One that would require the team efforts of my Bangkok rabbinic colleagues as well as noble volunteers from our Jewish community.
Word reached me that Harry K (Tzvi Hersh Ben Yosef Bern ) had been found dead in a canal somewhere on the outskirts of Bangkok. No conclusive reason for death, but what was really the difference at this stage. I never knew Harry although apparently he had posted a picture of himself in one of our Thailand Chabad houses wearing Tefilin. Actually, no one in Thailand knew him well as he had only been here for a year. As a struggling addict, several people in the recovery community had tried to help him. Ultimately his anguished soul returned to its creator a few days before Yom Kippur. The day before Yom Kippur had me on the telephone to the USA helping his next of kin make the right decision to allow us to bury him. Tentative arrangements were made with the undertaker to schedule the burial for the day after Yom Kippur.
At the same time, we received word from a family in France that a wandering relative of theirs, Raymond B, had died in immigration prison in Thailand. From what I can gather, the man in his early sixties had left France and not remained in contact with his family. After being arrested for being illegally in Thailand he had obviously not made contact with anyone and was languishing in jail unbeknownst to his family or our community. Raymond fell ill, was taken to hospital, was returned to prison and died there the next day. Very sad indeed. The family stepped up to take responsibility for his burial and decided to have him buried in Bangkok. It seemed that if all went well with the embassy arrangements we could schedule burial for the day after Yom Kippur.
As an active member of Bangkok’s ‘Chevra Kadisha’ burial society, I had a ‘cloud’ of anxiety hanging over my head for the duration of Yom Kippur.
The words Chevra Kadisha literally mean ‘holy society’. This is the traditional name given for those men and women who occupy themselves with the noble task of preparing bodies for burial.
Noble and holy it is. In Jewish tradition, the body is treated with the utmost of respect. It is gently washed and dressed in ‘tachrichim’ (hand sewn white linen garments). Forgiveness is asked of the deceased by those preparing the body in case they have inadvertently not been respectful enough. It is a loving and tender process that is inspiring in its raw thoughtfulness.
It is not my intention to elaborate, but both cases that were facing our Chevra Kadisha the day after Yom Kippur were non-standard and daunting.
Again, I realized that Hashem was giving me the merit of a special mitzvah. One that would take me out of my ‘comfort zone’ and require a more conscious effort to do a supreme act of kindness. Taking care of the dead is actually called ‘kindness of truth’ (chessed shel emmet) for it is one-way kindness with no anticipation of receiving something in return.
Then Yom Kippur arrived. For the next twenty-five hours I was leading the services of Yom Kippur. Naturally, I was totally immersed in leading the services for the five hundred Jews who passed through the doors of the Beth Elisheva shul. Speeches, jokes, tweets, inspirational melodies and climactic dancing at the close of the Neila service, they all kept my mind off the impending ‘holy society’ work.
But then Yom Kippur ended. A call to the undertaker confirmed that both funerals would take place on the next day.
Indeed, the day after Yom Kippur the other Chabad rabbi’s in town and I gathered to prepare the bodies. It was a very holy duty is all I will say.
I was gratified and inspired to see that more than a minyan of local Jews had responded to our call, and were gathered to accompany our two fellow deceased Jews to their final resting place.
The first time in Bangkok that more than one funeral (levaya) was taking place at one time. Not a feat that I hope is ever repeated. We pray that the pace of passing away in our community slow down.
Perhaps because of the sadness of two burials in one day in such a small community. Or perhaps for reasons we will never know. But this is a fact. when we got to the second funeral it was as if G-d Himself was crying tears. The Heavens opened up and let down a torrential downpour the likes of which are not standard even during the monsoon period. Was it the tail end of the regional typhoon? I don’t know. What I am proud to report, is that standing there in the middle of a funeral service, about to cover the coffin with earth, we didn’t stop our work and made sure that the burial was completed before we ran for cover. We were drenched, muddy but felt a certain contentment.
There is a warm feeling inside of you when you have done the right thing that is hard to describe. If you have experienced it, you know what I am talking about. It only comes if doing the right thing took exertion and perseverance.
(I have shared a picture below of some our group huddled in the small structure at the cemetery. We were drenched but smiling, because we had done the right thing and hadn’t abandoned the funeral even during the incessant rain).
The traffic jams to get home were understandably horrendous due to the rain. After showering and changing out of the drenched clothing a telephone call came in. A Russian accented man asked in Hebrew for help. They were Jewish tourists, his daughter was in major stomach pain and they thought she needed medical attention but they don’t speak English. Nechama and I looked at each other thinking ‘another opportunity for kindness come our way’? Yet, without even stopping to think, Nechama told them she would meet them at the hospital. Thank G-d it was a case of food poisoning which was remedied by medication.
I share these stories because they helped me learn about myself.
About the real challenge of life.
Our G-dly challenge is not do that which is natural. Even if by nature you may be a generally good and nice person. It is about doing something that doesn’t come easy to you.
When you face a situation in which making the right choice takes more effort, embrace it rather than reject it.
This may likely be the real arena of ‘serving G-d’ by CHOOSING to do what is ‘life’ and ‘good’ over what is ‘decaying’ and ‘bad’. What comes naturally, is not really your choice. You may have grown up in a good environment and find that doing the right thing comes quite easily. It’s when it is not easy to do the right thing that ‘choice’ really starts. G-d begs us.
CHOOSE LIFE! CHOOSE GOOD!
Also, I want to share it with you because you have also participated in these multifaceted good deeds.
Vicariously. Through the support you give us. Financial support. Moral support.
And the blessings you send us via your prayers and good thoughts after reading these descriptions of life as emissaries of the Lubavitcher Rebbe in Thailand.
As we approach Sukkot this also emphasizes the place that each Jew has in the proverbial ‘Sukka’ of ‘Klal Yisrael’. The Talmud said ‘there is room for every Jew to sit in the same Sukka’. In the enveloping canopy of G-d’s protective cloud all of Israel can sit equally and comfortably.
Every Jew deserves a Jewish burial.
Even more importantly every Jew deserves to be provided with basic sustenance and a roof over their heads.
Every Jew deserves to be availed of a Jewish life. Of Torah study. Of Mitvza observance.
The Rebbe sent Nechama and I, alongside the thousands of others in Thailand, Asia and all over the world, to provide all of the above.
Nothing could be more joyous than being part of this incredible organism called Am Yisrael! And we feel especially privileged to be stationed in Thailand where opportunities abound to help fellow Jews physically, emotionally and spiritually.
You too are part of this club. You need but keep your eyes and ears and hearts open for opportunities to help others! They are available. One just needs to be open to them.
We must always remember that we are ONE people. One mishpacha (family). G-d has instructed us in the Torah that first we must make sure our own family and extended family until all our extended extended family aka ‘am yisrael’ is taken care of.
If I am able to inspire myself, and share that message out loud so that others can hear and be likewise inspired, I will have fulfilled my objective with this email.
Shabbat Shalom
And Chag Sameach for Sunday night Sukkot
Rabbi Yosef Kantor
PS if you are in Bangkok please join us for Sunday night or any of the other Sukkot meals (Monday noon, Monday night and Tuesday noon).