By the Grace of G-d
Dear Friend,
My younger brother Baruch is the rabbi of Chabad at Temple University in Philadelphia. Baruch was walking in the streets near Temple University on Sukkot holding his lulav upright in his hand. An older black gentleman out walking on the street took a look at the lulav and told him "I think you’re supposed to give her roses".
I thought that was hysterically funny. And then I thought to myself that this comment, made in passing by an older person to my obviously youngish brother about how to build goodwill with his wife, was spot-on and contained a deep lesson.
‘I think you’re supposed to give her roses’.
Well, that’s only if she likes roses of course.
If she likes daffodils, tulips or lilacs then that is what you should get her.
Let’s say she asked you very specifically to get her a lulav (branch from the date palm), hadasim (myrtle boughs), aravot (willow branches) and an etrog (citron), then that is exactly what you should get her. Anything else just won’t do the trick.
The reason my brother was not walking down the street with roses is because G-d didn’t instruct us to take roses on Sukkot. Rather, G-d asked us to take the four species mentioned above on the holiday of Sukkot, join them together and wave them.
Because HE asked us to bring these exact four species, when we take them, we generate a ‘nachat’-pleasure for Almighty G-d.
On the day before Sukkot, I was in the Sukkah binding the lulav together with the other species in preparation for performing the mitzva the next day. One of our longtime local staff saw me and asked ‘isn’t it time that you had one of your younger Yeshiva bachur assistants do this for you’?
I want to go back to those roses again. At what stage in a person’s career will he delegate bringing roses to his wife to his personal assistant?
The answer to that (if he wants to stay married…) is never! The whole purpose of bringing roses is for the husband to personally show his affection and love to his wife by showing her that he cares. Having a personal assistant deliver those roses would be achieving the exact opposite effect. It would show that bringing a gift to his wife is another chore to him just like scheduling a business meeting.
Clearly, when it comes to doing a mitzvah, you must do it yourself. That is the whole point of the mitzvah, to connect you with G-d.
What about just choosing and buying the gift that you will then bring personally to your loved one? Can you delegate that? (In today’s online world it’s a bit more complicated). Probably it wouldn’t be tragic if you had someone else source and buy the gift.
However, it is unquestionably more ‘relationship-building’ when a spouse personally picks out and buys a gift than when they just ask an assistant to choose something nice and get it to their spouse.
The Torah teaches us that when we do a mitzvah, even the preparations for a mitzvah, we should be personally involved. Yes, we can delegate a lot of things, but there are some things that we should be doing ourselves to show our love to G-d and the Mitzvahs He has asked us to fulfil.
The Talmud gives many examples of esteemed rabbis who personally did chores in preparation for the Shabbos.
Rava would personally prepare the fish for Shabbat. Rav Chisda chopped vegetables. Rabbah and Rav Yosef chopped wood. Rav Nachman bar Yitzchak would be seen running about on Friday, carrying bundles on his shoulders. Many of these were wealthy men who had numerous servants to do their work; yet they insisted on personally toiling in honor of the Shabbat. (Talmud, Shabbat 119a; Shulchan Aruch, Laws of Shabbat)
This is why I was sitting in the Sukkah on Sunday afternoon binding my four species personally. Of course I delegate many other chores to others. So that I will have more time. More time for this most important relationship in my life – my relationship with G-d.
There is nothing more joyous, inspiring and relationship-enhancing when you do a mitzvah than DIY (doing it yourself), even the preparations for the mitzvah.
Just like with those roses, more than the joy of the actual roses, is the warm loving feeling of your significant other thinking and exerting himself for you. The more effort you had to expend, the more you will feel the love and the more your spouse will appreciate that gift.
With mitzvahs its no different. The more you exert yourself for a mitzvah, the more you will feel G-d in your life. Paying money for a mitzvah is important as it makes it feel more precious and special. And G-d promises that ‘the reward is according to the effort’. G-d knows us from the inside, He creates us and any effort expended on doing a mitzvah is known and appreciated by Him.
There are still three days left to make a blessing on eating in the Sukkah, and two days left to make a blessing on the Lulav and Etrog (on Shabbat they are not taken).
If you haven’t don’t it yet, (or even if you have, it’s a new mitzvah each time you do it), make an effort to get to your nearest sukkah and find a four species near you! (click here for a Global Chabad directory).
With blessings for a Shabbat Shalom an a Chag Sameach
Rabbi Yosef Kantor
PS if you are in Bangkok, I will be available pretty much all-day Sunday please G-d to make a brocho with you on the Lulav and Etrog and to make a brocho on the Sukkah. No need for appointment, just drop by the Shul on Soi Sai Nam Thip 2 and call me 081 837 7618 if you don’t see me in the sukkah.